Reframing Rejection 

Resources on: Rejection, Feedback and View

Learn how to shift your mental focus to take the sting out of rejection 

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or unliked. And at the same time what we really want is to be loved and accepted by everyone - that would be bliss. It will never happen though because we all have biases, opinions and beliefs that color the way we look at the world. 

So people will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If we were to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware they
would still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to win over everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we change the meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of our enemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to try a new approach. In sales, the salesperson must view rejection as feedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected immediately set your mind the task of intelligently answering this question - how must I change my approach to get what I want?

By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you can do and off the other person whose approval is theirs to give or not to give.

Let us take the example of asking someone to help you with a project at work, you are afraid to ask for help so when you do, your coworker can almost smell this fear of rejection coming from you. So he says No, he is far to busy to help you today. Now immediately ask yourself the feedback reframe question - how must I change my approach to get what I want? 

Asking this question will give you an unlimited range of new approaches to use: maybe smile more, or bribe him with a soft drink, or perhaps offer to do some of his boring work in return for help.

It also helps to anticipate rejection before it has a chance to happen. In the case of the example above, before talking to the colleague I would spend a few minutes in preparation running through possible ways he might reject me. For each possible situation, just keep asking yourself - how must I change my approach to get what I want?

You may not realize, most people just give up too easily because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejection to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead. You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. This endurance will also encourage others to let you have what you want because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!

Warning: maintain rapport at all times when you use this approach, this new found courage and tenacity is only appreciated by others if you use it with a win-win outlook.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert and published author. Subscribe FREE to his upbeat newsletter and get a FREE e-book, Abolish Shyness – Steps to Success, which reveals secret strategies for supercharging your communication skills. To join send an email to: AbolishShynessToday-subscribe@topica.com http://www.topica.com/lists/AbolishShynessToday/